Chef to be dishonourably discharged

I read in the Australian last weekend that Chef is to be portrayed as a paedophile, and dies a horrible death.

Take that Scientology.

Movies to Avoid - DOOM

I remember 1994 for a number of reasons.

In my final undergraduate year of university, one strange night I was ushered to the campus, following a few gin and tonics (or "dinner" as it was known). A group of us were taken to the PC Lab by a friend, and seated at a computer.

What then followed was a three hour networked game of Doom. I had played Wolfenstein 3D, but this was... different. With the headphones on I was immersed in a frantic, desperate battle with not only monsters of a variety of temperaments and facial / bodily disfigurements, but also my friends. There was this strange satisfaction associated with hunting down friends, "camping" and patiently taking them out with a pulse rifle or RPG. The BFG was fun, but required timing and finesse to aim it properly. That winter, in Christchurch, we built borrowed network cards and found ways to hook up our own PCs and play. I have nostalgic memories of watching the X-Files, playing Doom and listening to techno. I even had nightmares about it, and started strafing in everyday life so as to avoid being taken by surprise.

AND SO... I avoided Doom the Movie for personal reasons more than anything. It turns out, with good reason.

First of all, The Rock. I have never seen a film with him before. The overwhelming impression to me was that he looked like quite a nice guy. On several occasions during the film I could picture myself having a beer with him. Nice teeth, healthy looking, happy sort of guy. Why would anyone consider this man threatening? He can't act, so we need some sort of visual cue to be scared of him. The man looks like he shaves when ever the camera pans away from his face. Dull. Uninspiring.

Karl Urban. This guy is a serious actor with a lower case "s". Don't get me wrong, I like all of his acting, generally. I fear for him becoming typecast into roles where he only needs one expression.

The pointless woman character who is an archaeologist, who provides the weakest of plot points, who performs autopsies. What was that all about? At least Ripley strapped on her phalluses (phalli), stripped down to her singlet, looked smelly and mucked in with the lads.

The plot and action were stolen from Aliens. Given that Doom the game stole from this in the first place, this was a bit pointless.

Stan Winston's creature shop were involved in the making of the man-in-suit-demons, and admittedly the 5 or so that we saw looked pretty cool. I couldn't have disagreed more with Mr. Rock when he said how much better the men in suits looked than CGI. If any film needed CGI, Doom would have been an obvious choice. The monsters themselves were few and far between. Where were the legions of Satanic monsters? What were those zombies about? They were boring and pointless. Why couldn't they have stuck to the one man versus Hell 'storyline'.

So to cut a long story short, this film stole almost two hours of my life that I will never get back.

Think about it.

When in Brisbane, Always Talk the Finger Up

An important lesson in life.

Don't rubbish Bernard Fanning or Powderfinger. Don't even make vaguely negative comments. They will make you very unpopular.

Possible New Jestki Parts Material?

Rumours of a possible new album, tour, surround sound DVD and video game from Surry Hills Loungecore legends Jetski Parts have surfaced once again as A Davey and Ed Turkey met in Brisbane for an impromptu recording session on Saturday, 18th March. They met at TailSpin Studios where some "new stuff" was laid down.

Ed Turkey plays down the reports. "It was a half hour session," he stated. "Even at our peak, we could probably have only completed about 4 songs in that sort of timeframe. "

In related news, the 'missing' third member of the group, Joe Turkey, is still at large. He vanished after he thought a giant teddy bear was talking to him at a party. His girlfriend, who was moving the teddy "as a joke" is still uncontactable.

Don Cheadle to play Miles?

Important news like this doesn't come about very often.

Having recently read his autobiography, I was often thinking about who would play Miles Davis in the inevitable Hollywood biopic.

Don Cheadle is certainly an accomplished actor. Not unlike PSH, he has made is name in excelling in smaller roles. I loved his character in Boogie Nights as the perpetually out-of-fashion dude. As far as leads go, Hotel Rwanda was an excellent performance, and whilst his character in Crash was good, the whole film seemed like a Bore and Order migration to the big-screen.

Physically he would be a good choice. Is this a necessity? There is tons of "attitude" that goes along with Miles and it is this that would make him incredibly difficult to portray. At different points in his life his priorities were either Music, Heroin and Coke 1st, then everything else. He treated women terribly and was a very introverted character. Capturing this spirit would be more important to me than the actual physical resemblance.

This film should provide a massive opportunity for some amazing portrayals other than Miles, though. Miles worked with EVERYONE in jazz. He began his New York jazz career with Dizzy and Bird, but went on to work with (in no particular order) Monk, Art Blakey, Sonny Rollins, Trane, Cannonball, Herbie Hancock, Carlos Santana, Jimi Hendrix, Gil Evans, Joe Zawinul, Ella Fitzgerald, Bill Evans, Mingus, Wynton Marsalis, Quincy Jones and many many others.

This would be a huge project, because it would have to actually show his life set against the history of bop, through "cool" jazz, fusion and beyond. What a massive undertaking!

Can anyone think of possible actors and roles for this? I want Ving Rhames in there, because he is bad. Ditto Mario Van Peebles. As long as we don't get Will Smith with a Wicky Wicky Willy Hip-Hop Tie In Theme Tune.

Hayes Quits South Park - Cites Religious Dissing as Reason

Here you can read the story as quoted by the Sydney Morning Herald. Thanks to Edo for bringing this up.

My initial response was that it was predictable or even understandable, that he might quit the show rather than associate with the material in the "Bloody Mary" episode. As the article points out, though, he is a Scientologist, which suggests something a little darker or perhaps manipulated. I believe Tom Cruise threatened legal action if the Cartoon Network replayed the Scientology episode.

"Bloody Mary" was pulled from Australia's SBS schedule out of concern for the material, in light of the recent response to the now infamous Muhammed cartoons. Fair enough, I suppose, as the media do have to accept consequences for their actions. Is this a dangerous precedent, however? Do we suddenly reach a point where anything can be banned because it might cause offence? Is it not unlike the introduction of terror laws where culpability needs to be determined without the act having taken place? What great works of art or literature might not see the light of day with this sort of attitude in place?

Milosevic Dies

Wow, that's strange. A man who apparently orchestrated thousands of civilian deaths during the Yugoslavian conflicts of the mid-80s, died before standing trial in the Hague.

My brother Daniel has launched a blog too, called rageofnorris.blogspot.com.

Please visit him and welcome him to middle age.

Post Oscar Fallout - Do people care?

The surprise win by Crash, in the Best Picture Category last night, has provoked a number of debates on-line and in the print media. Personally, I thought it was a good film, but not great. It had moments and characters who provided some sort of engagement with the plot, but I felt the rest played like an episode of Law and Order.

Wing, the great New Zealand cover singer, has released her new album:
Wing's New Album

...and why did my parents choose to have me born in Palmerston North?
http://www.smh.com.au/news/people/cleese-tirade-upsets-kiwis/2006/03/07/1141493650426.html

"Beginner's Guide To Reggae" Thoughts

As part of my research into Reggae and Dub, to inject some newer techniques into my own productions, I opted for a generic boxed set - something I generally try to avoid. The value was hard to ignore; for AUD$30 I got "The Beginner's Guide To Reggae" from the UK Label, Nascente, comprising 3 discs of 12 tracks each. The artists are varied and include plenty of familiar names (King Tubby, Horace Andy, Sly and Robbie, for example), that span a timeframe between the early 70s and late 90s. Of particular interest is disc 3, which seems to focus more on dub and dancehall: plenty of the sounds are very fresh and 'contemporary sounding'. Quite amazing when you consider that some of the music is 30 years or older.

Also very happy at the news that Phillip Seymour Hoffmann has won the Oscar for Best Actor this year. Fantastic to think that someone who has quietly and consistently performed so well in smaller parts is getting acknowledged for his genius.